oh my
A box was delivered to my office a while ago. It was from Ryan and he had sent me a valentine's day gift. It's two bears hugging each other and the gift card appropriately said, "We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another. I miss you, and I love you. Ryan."

I had to shut the office door and let my tears flow freely for couple of minutes.

day #1
It's now almost 24 hours since boy has left. I think I'm still in denial, part of me thinks that he's always in the apartment. When I left his morning, I said goodbye to the empty pillow next to me.

But, life goes on. I think I'll get used to being Ryan-less as time pass.

Listening to Norah Jones' new CD really calmed me down, I've only teared up once at work today - and that was from reading Jules' reply to my previous post.

I think Sarah McLachlan's CD still beats NJ's hands down. Speaking of which, I was awarded two tickets to Sarah McLachlan's concert at the savvis. I have till Sept 1st to figure out who to bring with me.

...
The boy is gone for now, and I won't hear from him for 6 weeks, and won't be back till Oct 22nd. This is definitely not easy, but we're both committed to making this work. I guess it all happened in good timing, if he would have done this a year ago, it would be even rougher on us, at least now our relationship is more matured compared to before, and make things much more easier on both end.

I was a good girl today at the airport, I didn't break down into hysterical sobs like I did last night. We had plenty of time to kill between outprocessing at the base and before his flight. So we sat down at the smoking lounge and just chatted. It was a good 2.5 hours of heart to heart. We talked about our future as a couple and the things we have to look forward to. We talked about how we've come this far as a couple, the challenges we've accomplish, and our future, possibly moving to another city, and getting married, all the good details.

Knowing that he is going to be away made me cherish every last moment that we spent together. I only hope that October will come by quick, and bring my man back here, home with me.

Excuse me while I go cry my heart out.

Military Girlfriend
I'm an active participant on a message board and one of the Community Leader wrote this awesome piece:

I Am A Military Girlfriend
By cl-hayward1
I am a military girlfriend. I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be. I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no Military ID card, I am not a “dependent” or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers, and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.

I am a military girlfriend. I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me. I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

I am a military girlfriend, there is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment, though I love him no less for it. I hope every day that he will be able call because a simple 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions…smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where “I love you and I’m okay” speaks more than volumes and gives me the strength to keep going.

I am a military girlfriend. I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day.

I am a military girlfriend. The events of the next several months hold my life, my love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories of the war I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away. I see individuals who will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness.

I am a military girlfriend, not a spouse or family member. When you say your prayers for the wives, mothers, and fathers, please don’t forget about me.

From The Guys
We always hear the rules from the female side. Now, here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered 1 ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


1. Crying is blackmail.


1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtlehints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.


1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.


1. If something we say can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we mean the other one.


1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.


1. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever ! possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.


1. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing, we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.


1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Sarah McLachlan
I was all excited when I heard on the radio that Sarah McLachlan is doing her tour and she'll be at the Savvis Center on Sept 01. But unfortunately, the tickets are more pricey than I thought, they run at $43, $53, and $63. Hmm, I might have to wait till later to decide if I want to go. If anybody is 'maybe' interested in going with me, leave me a comment.

it's the little things
Sunday, in the car, after picking up boy from the base.

S.boy: "There's a retirement ceremony at the base today. There were 6 Lt. Col. high ranking NCOs retiring after serving for 20 something years. You know what's cool? They also give the wives a certificate of recognition, for their support and their dedication towards their husband to help them do their jobs for the country."

Me: "That's pretty neat! As they say: behind every successful man there is a woman."

S.boy: ".. no, there is a GREAT woman. And I think I found mine."

*he then reaches over and squeeze my hand*

.... I about burst into tears at this point. Sometimes it's the little things that really matters the most.

oh I'm bored on a sunday morning
Boy got me up at 6am coz it was guard duty weekend. I am now tired but wide awake after I drown myself with coffee. I don't want to go back to sleep because I know I'll sleep thru the entire sunday morning and will have trouble falling asleep tonight.

Got my crab legs craving taken care of. Last night a good bunch of us showed up at Joe's Crab Shack to say goodbye to boy. Thanks to Jack, Jes, Chris, Vince, Michelle, David, Ben, Tempe, Becca, Aubrey, Kevin, and Ta2d + his two pretty little ladies for showing up. And many many thanks to Kat for organizing the entire thing and being there early to make sure we have our tables.

There is absolutely nothing worth watching on early sunday morning. Except for Nick and Jessica's Newly Wed on MTV. There, I've admitted. I like that show quite a bit just for a good laugh. That and it's soothing to know celebrity couples have some of the same problems that normal couple faces. Hah.

Also, I think Express has hit the fashion jackpot with their editor pants. I've heard that these pants are their best selling item ever in the company's history, and Express has definitely capitalize on that fact by making more of these Editor pants in different fabrics.

Need. To. Stop. Shopping. Bah!

smile
Here's a very interesting test to see if you can spot fake vs. genuine smile. Courtesy of BBC. I score 17 out of 20. What did you get?